Non-Jews are for practice
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
