I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
