R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My hand turned me down
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
