Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize