Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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