I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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