butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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