She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
