theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
please don't ironically join a cult
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