Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
