She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
