dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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