My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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