she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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