Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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