I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.