I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.