you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.