if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.