I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.