I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.