Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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  (860): I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass http://tfl.nu/kwec
  Replies (24) Good night (1557) Bad night (5343)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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  (905): when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college http://tfl.nu/ke7d
  Replies (43) Good night (1444) Bad night (6423)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

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  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (8372) Bad night (1117)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

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  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (8) Good night (7012) Bad night (955)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

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  (970): I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service http://tfl.nu/s56z
  Replies (17) Good night (6119) Bad night (907)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"

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  (917): They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?" http://tfl.nu/nrwr
  Replies (5) Good night (3498) Bad night (1593)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?

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  (614): You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right? http://tfl.nu/6ebj
  Replies (10) Good night (3130) Bad night (1118)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She has a lazy eye!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  My other option is a hardwood floor

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  (765): She has a lazy eye! (317): My other option is a hardwood floor http://tfl.nu/pxwj
  Replies (8) Good night (653) Bad night (1879)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud

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  (216): Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud http://tfl.nu/kyzh
  Replies (3) Good night (1506) Bad night (514)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.

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  (757): Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change. http://tfl.nu/iak2
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (477)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.

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  (334): As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream. http://tfl.nu/b74h
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (384)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.

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  (570): He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point. http://tfl.nu/gdgk
  Replies (7) Good night (347) Bad night (965)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good

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  (651): Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good http://tfl.nu/p2ni
  Replies (1) Good night (655) Bad night (397)
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  (420): View more from

  I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?

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  (420): I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses? http://tfl.nu/p6pp
  Replies (7) Good night (555) Bad night (275)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.

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  (419): Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/v3mc
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (344)

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