He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....