So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
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I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.