Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner

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  (847): so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner http://tfl.nu/rb90
  Replies (20) Good night (4974) Bad night (766)
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  (510): View more from California

  He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.

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  (510): He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him. http://tfl.nu/gqvc
  Replies (13) Good night (915) Bad night (3502)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?

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  (401): when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed? http://tfl.nu/66dn
  Replies (15) Good night (975) Bad night (6702)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?

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  (570): I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days? http://tfl.nu/o3ms
  Replies (4) Good night (3047) Bad night (1117)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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  (651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest. http://tfl.nu/l8w8
  Replies (10) Good night (1590) Bad night (2324)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.

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  (316): I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants. http://tfl.nu/tqrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2663) Bad night (960)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Damn you and your Monday night power hours.

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  (207): Damn you and your Monday night power hours. http://tfl.nu/3ta4
  Replies (2) Good night (1527) Bad night (833)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I have got to meet this girl.

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  (860): she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW (1-860): I have got to meet this girl. http://tfl.nu/ejln
  Replies (7) Good night (2333) Bad night (661)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.

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  (330): The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg. http://tfl.nu/v4p7
  Replies (3) Good night (1406) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.

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  (402): the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion. http://tfl.nu/w3kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1168) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.

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  (613): Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in. http://tfl.nu/gv1u
  Replies (3) Good night (1088) Bad night (463)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (807) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying

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  (312): I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying http://tfl.nu/bo49
  Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.

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  (202): I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll. http://tfl.nu/zni7
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I went on an adventure and now we have more food.

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.

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  (360): I went on an adventure and now we have more food. (360): Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible. http://tfl.nu/3w1h
  Replies (0) Good night (628) Bad night (371)

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