Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.