Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Canadian or clown?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.