No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.