youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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