In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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