i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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