i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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