Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
