I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
