I am in a vortex of obligation.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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