my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
