I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
