My first STD was from a foam party
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's get the cat blown out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
