The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
