I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
