The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you made out with another girl for some wings
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
