WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
