there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
