My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
