What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
