I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
