If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
