It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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