Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
