Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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