I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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