My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
