no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
