Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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