In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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