I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
