I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
