if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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