he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
