omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
