Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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