I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
