There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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