When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
