That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
