the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
