Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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