my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize