Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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