i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
