All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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