And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
