Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
