Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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