I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
