Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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