when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
