He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
