i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
