When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just got carded by a ten year old.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
