I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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