Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
