btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
