That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
