if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
