last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
