it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
