I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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