I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
