Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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