i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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