Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
