my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
