You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
