Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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