you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
