don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize