Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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