her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
