Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
